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Freedom Friday – On Forgiving Yourself

July 10, 2015 by Patti 30 Comments

It had been a rough Saturday night at our house and on Sunday morning a frazzled, someone-help-me-with-my-wife hubby, called in the troops at church.  The reconnaissance team, the wearers of spiritual armor, the warriors in prayer.

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This was a season of change in our lives, coming on the heals of some rough, REALLY ROUGH, spots in our marriage.  We had just moved to a new home, in a new community, with new jobs for both of us, and a newly emptied family nest . . . It took an upending of life as I knew it to bring my deeply buried pain to the surface.

. . . it took an upending of life as I knew it to bring my deeply buried pain to the surface.
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Welcome to FREEDOM FRIDAY – A devotional, emotional, spiritual and sometimes hysterical series that I will be sharing on occasional Fridays, in addition to my regular Old Things New posts. Why?  Because though once bound in chains Christ has set me free –  FREE to live, to love, to dance, to sing, to be who God created me to be!

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In my last FF post, When You’re Not Enough, I shared with you steps I’ve taken to overcome my feelings of not measuring up to the unrealistic standards I’d set for myself of what it is to be “enough”.  One of those steps was to confess past sin and believe that the shame, guilt and condemnation I carried no longer had power or authority over me.

I’ve learned that this is easier said than done for many.  Have you ever spoken these words?

“I will never forgive myself for . . .”

“I still live with the guilt of . . .”

“I have so many regrets.”

“If only I had . . . “

Are you continually looking back, not living in the present, not moving forward into new life given by Jesus?
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Working through the pain in my life wasn’t an overnight process.  Coming to a place of healing took time and, even now, I have occasional setbacks,  little twinges, but nothing like the CRAZY we had to go through during those initial months of prayer ministry and counseling.

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It was eleven years ago that we sat in a room after church with three friends who cared enough to give up their own plans to stay and spend the afternoon with me. . . I figure they were either moved by my husband’s desperation or they saw the depth of pain in my eyes which I could no longer hide. . .

After hearing about my current pain we talked some about my past (sometimes you do have to start at the very beginning).  After talking for awhile they asked me some questions about forgiveness:

Had I forgiven all those who had harmed me?  Had I asked God to forgive me for harboring resentment against them?

Then, from across the room, “Have you forgiven yourself?”
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What?  Forgiven myself?  Really?  I’d never heard of self-forgiveness.

After a little explanation we went to prayer.  The leader of this prayer team sat down with me, face-to-face, knee-to-knee, praying.  His wife stood behind me agreeing in silent prayer.

This is where it gets weird. Freaky for others to hear about but especially freaky for me . . . the one who was there being prayed for.

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As I repeated the words to a prayer of self-forgiveness, deep feelings of agitation began to rise up in me.  When I tried to speak words of forgiveness toward myself I had trouble choking the words past the hard knot in my throat. My breathing became labored.  I wanted to escape and, in fact, my physical body began to rise right up out of that chair.  It wasn’t something I was making happen, my body seemed to have a will of it’s own.  The wife placed her hands gently upon my shoulders and commanded my body to be still.

I settled back in the chair, the feeling within me stilled. I spoke out boldly then, finishing my prayer of self-forgiveness and thanking God for the new thing He had done in my life that day.

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In that moment it felt like a heavy weight was lifted and glorious peace poured down on me.

This was only the beginning of the process of healing that was to take place in my life over the next several months, but this step was a HUGE and very memorable part of the process.

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Maybe you’re like me and so many others and you don’t feel like you can forgive yourself.  Maybe you feel like you’ve sinned more than those around you or that the magnitude of your sin is greater.  Believe me, I know and understand what you’re feeling.

So LISTEN to this . . .

God our Father gave His only Son Jesus to pay the price for our sins.  His blood was shed to cover all our sin . . . no matter how great . . . past, present, and future . . . PERIOD!

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It was extravagant, this gift of the Father to me and to you.

So how dare we throw our sin in the face of Father God and say that the blood of His Son was not enough?  How dare we presume to think that OUR sin is bigger than the Father’s great gift of forgiveness?  It seems to me that it is pure arrogance to continue to declare that He is not enough!

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Our Pastor Roy says, “Amazing grace is the last breath of Jesus as He gave His life on the cross.”

Amazing grace is the last breath of Jesus as He gave His life on the cross
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PRAYER . . .

Thank you Papa God for your extravagant gift, the lifeblood of your Son Jesus, that paid for all my sins.  Forgive me for not believing that your grace is sufficient for me.  I believe.  Help my unbelief.

Dear [insert your name here], beloved of the Father. chosen and redeemed by and for Him.  I am so, so sorry that I’ve held you captive to the past by refusing to forgive you and by hanging on to the sins of the past.  [Your name], I forgive you now for everything you’ve ever done that has caused you to live with shame, guilt, and self-condemnation.  I release you to live in the freedom that God has called you to, for it is for freedom that Christ has set you free. I choose this day to stand firm in my freedom and never be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. No longer will I believe the lies of the enemy when he calls to mind the things that are past. No longer will he have any power or authority over me through past memories. From this day forward I choose to believe that I am who God says I am, holy and righteous before Him, through the blood of my Savior Jesus.  Amen.

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 An oft repeated saying in Freedom Session is, “The only way through the pain is through the pain.”  This is truth.  You can bury the pain and live with the consequences forever or you can allow it to rise to the surface where it can be dealt with forever by the healing power of Christ!  A great way to begin the healing process is to forgive yourself.

Blessings,

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There are many good healing ministries to lead you on your way to freedom. I have a special place in my heart for Freedom Session because of the difference it has made in my own life, both as a participant and a director. Click HERE for more info.

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All photos taken at Hearst Castle in San Simeon, California and shared with written permission from California State Parks.

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Filed Under: Christianity, Freedom, Freedom Friday, Freedom Session, God's Grace, Inspiration, Prayer Tagged With: Christianity, Freedom, Freedom Friday, Freedom Session, God's grace, Inspiration, Prayer

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Comments

  1. Paige Givens says

    July 10, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    I love this. If God has forgiven us, we need to forgive us. Thanks for this!
    Paige

    Reply
  2. Sharon H says

    July 10, 2015 at 11:36 pm

    Patti, don’t you just love this version of Galatians 5:1? I do….it just speaks in such a way that there is no mistaking the message. I love your story. I love how you have been set free. And I admire the way you use your story for others. God is pleased when he sees your face! And He Loves the way you honor Him!

    I’m so glad I “happened upon” your blog one day….bless you, my friend.
    Sharon

    Reply
  3. Christina Morley says

    July 11, 2015 at 1:32 am

    Hi Patricia! These are beautiful photos and a touching story. So glad those friends at church were willing to take the time to listen and pray. Your experience during your self-forgiveness prayer reminded me of this verse: “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers…” Yours was a spiritual battle. I’ve got a stagnant blog with lots of mini series, and one is on spiritual warfare and another on the blood of Jesus.
    http://happymomshappyhomes.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  4. Jane says

    July 11, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    Dialogue:

    I am enough.
    -God

    I am enough, God.
    -Me

    Reply
    • MB says

      July 14, 2015 at 12:12 am

      I like this 🙂

      Reply
  5. Debbie Kitterman says

    July 11, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    Guess what?!? I’m your neighbor over at the Weekend Brew – YAY!!! But I always read your blog post anyways….. I am so inspired by you and love how you write with transparency and courage! Thank you as always for such a profound post and sharing with us this powerful TRUTH! I love Pastor Roy’s quote – this is amazing grace – Love you my friend – keep doing what you are doing and continue to bring truths that set people free!!!!

    Reply
  6. Cindy says

    July 12, 2015 at 12:30 am

    What a beautiful message! Thank you so much! This is exactly the message I need right now! God bless you and your family! I too have had a major move with my husband of thirty three years to our new farm lifestyle ! Many! Many changes and adjustments over the last 18 months good and bad! Leaving friends,family ,familiar surroundings! Making new friends and getting chickens,goats and living a whole not her lifestyle! Took my 94 year old dad too that lives with us! Many! Many changes and disruptions! Self dout! Did we make the right decision “? Lots of money ! In this new farmhouse we built and trying to adjust to all of the changes! I pray to God every day and ask for his blessings! Also many health issues arose! Knee replacements! Kidney stone surgerys! As well as other stuff! Wheeeeh , enough! Just looking for the peaceful environment and to settle in! Have made some mistakes and will ask God to forgive me too! Thanks so much! Take care,Cindy

    Reply
  7. Mary Geisen says

    July 12, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful Patti. Your words of realization, understanding and forgiveness are words that touch us all. Have you forgiven yourself? The big question that we all need to ask as we work to overcome pain. Blessed you shared this at The Weekend Brew.

    Reply
  8. Brenda says

    July 13, 2015 at 10:11 am

    Lovely testimony, Patti. Thanks for sharing.
    Why is it that it’s so often easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. The expectations that we have for ourselves are so high.
    Lovely to find you today via the Monday’s Musing Linkup.
    ~ Best to you ~

    Reply
  9. Shandra White Harris says

    July 13, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Truly powerful . True, true Inner healing- the final(but should come first!) piece- is to forgive our selves. Washed white as snow. Bless you indeed. visiting you this week from Good Morning Monday linkup. feel free to visit back anytime. Shandra

    Reply
  10. MB says

    July 14, 2015 at 12:11 am

    I think that when we tell God “your grace is not enough for me” we are not only being incredibly arrogant, as you boldly stated, but rejecting the Father. We are putting ourselves in direct opposition to God and living in rebellion, which is a dangerous place to be. My pride woud very much like to keep me there but I need God more than I need my foolish pride! Thank you for sharing your experience of self-forgiveness xx

    Reply
  11. Terri Presser says

    July 14, 2015 at 8:12 am

    This is such an encouraging post and I appreciate you sharing it with us at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

    Reply
  12. ~ linda says

    July 14, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Forgiving myself? That is always a tough one but so very necessary in order to move on, keep on going. God has given us His all. So I must given Him my all. Huh??
    Your words of going through the pain is going through the pain….makes me close my eyes and ponder right here at the keyboard. Those little dots? My eyes closed for a while.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    Reply
  13. Abby McDonald says

    July 14, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    Patti, this is such a powerful post. I, too, have lived with past hurts and tried to bury them instead of heal. For a long time I’m not sure that I believed Jesus has the ability to heal me the way he has. But oh, what a glorious God we serve. Thank you for this. Freedom giving words here.

    Reply
  14. Damarise says

    July 15, 2015 at 9:50 am

    Thank you for the lovely reminder that in Christ all things are made new.

    Reply
  15. Sheryl says

    July 15, 2015 at 11:30 am

    I love the quote from your pastor “Amazing grace is the last breath of Jesus as He gave His life on the cross”. Grace has been brought up in my life over and over the past year…I think God is trying to get my attention 🙂 Thanks for your post.

    Reply
  16. Dolly@Soulstops says

    July 15, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Patti,
    Thanks for sharing the power of forgiveness in your life and how it is available to us through Christ…and yes, buried pain won’t go away until it is dealt with….blessings to you.

    Reply
  17. Judith says

    July 16, 2015 at 12:25 am

    Soooo encouraging and definitely needed today! Thank you so much for sharing this!!

    Reply
  18. Cindy K. Krall says

    July 16, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Oh Patti! I’m your neighbor over at Suzie’s #livefree. This is my first time to your site. Absolutely LOVELY! As Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, “I’ll be back!!”

    Reply
  19. Pamela says

    July 16, 2015 at 10:24 am

    I’ve found that Jesus forgives so much easier than we forgive ourselves. I don’t think any of us can get to mature adulthood without regrets. I learned to live in the present with expectation towards the future. There are days though that my heart forgets what my head tells me — that the past is under the blood of Jesus. He’s the lover of my soul! This is a post that I want to shout to the world — READ THIS!

    Reply
  20. Betsy de Cruz says

    July 17, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Visiting you from #DancewithJesus. You have a powerful testimony, Patti. Sometimes it’s much easier to forgive others than ourselves, but it’s so important that we do both, isn’t it? Blessings to you on your journey as you continue FORWARD to all God has for you.

    Reply
  21. Betty Draper says

    July 17, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    The power of forgiveness for others and our self never ceases to amaze me. It’s an ongoing process too for there is always opportunities to get hurt or make a mistake. Great post.

    Reply
  22. Kristen says

    July 17, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    Wow! The power of forgiveness is amazing! Thanks for sharing your story! Visiting from #fellowshipFriday.

    Reply
  23. Lyli @3dlessons4life.com says

    July 21, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Patti,
    How lovely to “meet you” through Thought-Provoking Thursday this week. I was out of town and am just getting back and catching up. Reading your beautiful words here has breathed life into all the right spaces today.
    Blessings,
    Lyli

    Reply
  24. Heart says

    July 24, 2015 at 11:16 am

    Brenda asked, ” Why is it easy to forgive others than forgive ourselves?”. We won’t be able to forgive ourselves if we don’t accept the fact we have actually sinned. It requires deep humility to do that. And that’s the only key to move on.

    Reply
  25. Jem Renee says

    June 23, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Thank you for this reminder as I always seem to be the hardest on myself. God Bless.

    Reply
  26. liz says

    June 23, 2016 at 8:18 am

    YES! I’m digging up some painful past and being freed with every shovel full of hurt I place at the foot of the cross! Thank you for these encouraging words to keep going through the pain! Blessings!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. GOOD MORNING MONDAYS #40 | Darling Downs Diaries says:
    July 19, 2015 at 7:58 am

    […] a Simple Amish Life by Tracy at Our Simple HomesteadFreedom Friday – On Forgiving Yourself by Patti at Old Things […]

    Reply
  2. Old Things New – Freedom Friday - On Forgiving Others says:
    July 31, 2015 at 8:13 am

    […] most dramatic breakthroughs I’ve had was my experience of self-forgiveness, which I shared in Forgiving Yourself.  Today I want to talk about Forgiving […]

    Reply
  3. Old Things New – Freedom Friday - On Forgiving God says:
    October 30, 2015 at 11:56 am

    […] past two Freedom Friday posts have been  all about forgiveness, Forgiving Yourself and Forgiving Others (and they are really good so you might want to go back and read them!).  At […]

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Welcome! I am Perfectly Imperfect Patti and I’d like to invite you to come in and take a seat in this creative space of mine.

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“In 1965, Charles Schulz, a devout Christian and “In 1965, Charles Schulz, a devout Christian and creator of the Peanuts comic strip, was asked to create a Christmas special for CBS featuring the Peanuts Characters. He agreed with one requirement, that they allow him to include the story of the birth of Jesus. Although the stations executives were hesitant and tried to convince him otherwise, Schulz was insistent. As a result, for the past 50 plus years, millions of people have watched “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and heard the story of Jesus and “what Christmas is all about.”

It wasn’t until a few years back that I realized a “hidden message” in the film. Linus, a child who seems to have some insecurities as he carries a security blanket with him at all times. In fact, Linus NEVER drops his blanket, except once....

While sharing the message of “what Christmas is all about,” Linus drops his blanket at the exact moment he says the words, “fear not!”

In this seemingly innocent moment, Linus delivers a powerful reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. We are to “fear not”, for Jesus is born. We needn’t rely on material things for security, we have God with us, “Immanuel”, (Matthew 1:23) Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior - the true meaning of Christmas.

Awhile back, someone informed me, indignantly so, that Linus picks up his blanket at the end of the speech so my interpretation must be wrong. Well, he was right, Linus does pick up his blanket at the end of his speech. However, he “drops” it again later... 

Amid big, bright, colorful, shiny artificial trees, Charlie Brown chose the least of these, a little, wooden tree with just a few branches. Shortly thereafter, Linus uses his blanket to wrap about the base of the tree and says, “Maybe it just needs a little love”. In that moment, the tree “awakens”, stands tall and firm. A reminder that no matter who we are, how many mistakes we’ve made, a “little love” can make all the difference.

Let’s strive to “fear not” (Luke 2:10) and “love one another” (John 13:34), not just at Christmastime, but the whole year through.”

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