Day 12 – The Letter

The Write 31 Days Challenge – 31 Days,Every Day,One Topic

Day 12

(day 1 starts here)

NOTE (This is a repeat of the disclaimer I posted at the beginning of Day 7): Early on in this series I said that it wasn’t a “tell-all” story, and that while my story is mine to tell, the stories of others who might be hurt in the telling are not.  This post contains details about my husband Kelly and his struggles. He has given me permission to share this.  In fact, ever since we started speaking about our story together publicly he has told me that I am free to share anything that might be of help to others.

It was Saturday afternoon and the weather was mild as I walked out to check the mailbox. In the box was an envelope addressed to me. It looked like it might be an invitation to a baby shower, or perhaps a thank you note, as the back flap was sealed with cute teddy bear stickers.

I walked back into the house and laid the rest of the mail down before opening the envelope and reading the card inside:

Dear Patti, My name is L. and I’m having an affair with your husband . . . Click To Tweet

The shock of those words slammed me in the chest and took my breath away.

The note went on the say that she’d worked with my husband at the hospital and that they had been conducting an affair in his apartment in Olympia.  She was writing out of a “deep sense of obligation” to me.

This has been so many years ago that I can’t really remember everything written in the letter but I do remember stomping right up to our bedroom to confront my husband.  As I entered the room I still recall the look of innocence turn to surprise as he looked up and saw my fury.

He took the letter from my shaking hands, read it, and proceeded to lie. Click To Tweet  

He said he had no idea what it was all about!

Remember in a previous chapter how I shared my husband’s own definition of how you know an addict is lying? That’s right, when his lips are moving.

While the drug addiction might have been under control, my husband’s need for admiration, especially by women, had obviously become a problem.  It is all too common for one addiction to be traded for another and yes, the need for admiration (attention) can be an addictive behavior.

When he knew he had no out, he began explaining. He admitted that their friendship had become too intimate when they began to share personal stories at work and he’d become emotionally involved while listening to her stories of a bad marriage. He vehemently assured me though, that he had stopped short of entering into anything physical.

Eventually they had made a plan to meet outside of work in a nearby park.  In that park meeting she had expected to take their friendship to another level, and maybe he had too, but something stopped him (Remember, “Pray for your marriage?” I believe with all my heart that God intervened) and when he got there he ended up cutting short the relationship.  

There is no fury like a woman scorned and her fury turned toward me. Click To Tweet

But I too felt scorned by his behavior and what followed from me was rage and words more vile than I’d ever uttered before.

How could he even think of having an affair with all I’d suffered and supported him through?

Who was the one who’d seen him drunk and puking on the side of the house?  

Who was the one who’d worked to hold his practice together while he was gone for three long months, while working at my own full time job and taking care of the family?

Who was the one who’d patiently waited for the miracle in our relationship because, like they told me, he needed to focus on his recovery and it would be a long time before I could expect that he would have anything to offer back?  He certainly seemed to have something to offer her!!!

He tried to calm me down. “Let’s get out of the house this evening and put the whole thing behind us.”

REALLY?

No! I’m going to church tonight, where my people are.

When we entered church a couple of hours later I went immediately to Pastor Nathan and told him that I needed to talk to him after the service.  Kelly sat next to my very cold shoulder that evening and I’m pretty sure I didn’t say a word to him. I don’t remember anything about the service, except that I wanted it to be over so I could talk to the Pastor.

Nathan and some of the church elders met with us in a back room of the church after the service and I handed one of the elders the letter. While he read it I explained to the others present what was going on.

I can’t remember much more about that meeting other than them questioning Kelly, the letter being taken from me so I wouldn’t keep going back to re-read it, prayer, and a plan to meet again.

Back at home I crumpled in a heap on the floor of the master closet, overtaken with grief in gut wrenching sobs.

I would not be consoled.

And there we end Day 12. Wow, right?

Tomorrow, on Day 13, we will continue with Only the Beginning of the Hard.

To follow this series from Day 1 click right HERE.

And please feel free to share if you think this series might be valuable to someone you know.

I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties!!!

Sunday:

SundaysAtHome, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, SilverPenniesSundays, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays

Monday:

IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, Dwellings, ProjectInspired,  InspireMeMonday, CelebrateYourStory, What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking, MomentsOfHope, Glimpses, SittingAmongFriends, InspireMeMonday, GodSizedDreams

 

Tuesday:

TalkOfTheTown, HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, CoastalCharm, CedarHillFarmhouse, TuesdaysAtOurHome, TheWinthropChronicles,  Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky, Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story

Wednesday:

SavvySouthernStyle, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, Coffee for Your Heart, MessyMarriage, ThreeWordWednesday,  WriterWednesday

Thursday:

ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, ADelightsomeLife, KatherinesCorner,  Thought Provoking Thursday, SincerelyPaulas, ThoughtfulThursday, Tune-inThursday

Friday:

FrenchCountryCottage, TheCharmOfHome, TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday, ShabbyliciousFriday, Faith’nFriends,  Dance With Jesus FreshMarketFriday

Saturday:

FunkyJunkInteriors, SaturdaySparks, TheInspirationGallery, Make My Saturday Sweet