The Write 31 Days Challenge – 31 Days,Every Day,One Topic
Day 4
(Day 1 starts here)
Betrayal by a friend – Sunday morning and I’d stayed home from church. Again. Around noon, when the then-husband walked in the door I knew immediately that I was in trouble. He’d learned in church that my friend, the women’s leader, had gone to the elders and told them she’d had “a word from the Lord” that I was going to leave my marriage.
Yes, I answered, it was true, but the informant hadn’t been given “a word from the Lord,” only a word from my lips.
Outrage Ensued.
I was given 24 hours to pack. He would be home after work the following day and expected me and our two children to be gone.
To be honest, it was a huge relief, if only temporarily. Things would get a whole lot worse before they got better.
I began stuffing our clothes into plastic garbage bags and carrying them load-after-load to my mom’s townhouse. She’d already prepared her sewing room as a bedroom for the girls.
Late in the afternoon I received a visit from one of the church leaders who wanted to hear my story. I shared with him in detail, things I’d never shared before.
You’ve never told anyone in the church any of this before. Why should we believe you now? Click To TweetAre you kidding me?
By the time my children got out of school on Monday, we were moved into my mom’s place.
A new life to navigate – I didn’t do my divorce right, if there is such a thing. With a hungry heart and a need to be loved, I began dating before the divorce was final. A friend. A friend from that same church. A friend whose marriage was also coming to an end.
Remember the 'notorious sinners' I told you about? Yeah, one of them would be me. Click To TweetThis is the place where things got a whole lot worse. Accusations flew and people believed the worst. A notorious sinner maybe, but NO, I had not “set my cap” for him from the beginning.
A phone call, from the same church leader, who had questions, accusations, and finally a suggestion in the form of, “I’ve been thinking of taking a sabbatical in Israel. I know you have a love for Israel and I thought it would be nice to have a companion to go along with me.”
His meaning flew right over my own dazed and confused head at the time but my mom, who was beside me listening to the conversation, unscrambled my confusion. She also became my staunchest advocate over the following nightmarish months, leaving many of my accusers flattened in her 4’11” wake!
As mentioned in Day 3 this is not a “tell-all” story and I don’t want to cause harm to anyone. That’s why I haven’t identified who these church leaders were. I’m also not trying to bash the church by sharing my experience. I love the church and so does Jesus, but the church is US, you and me, and we are all, if not notorious sinners, sinners nonetheless.
“If you run into Patti in the community you can acknowledge her but you are no longer allowed to be her friend.”
How do I know the details of this meeting? I was sent a tape to listen to. On this tape were outright lies, but I had no way to defend myself. Not then or later when I asked to meet with someone other than “that” leader, only to be met with silence.
Though I was terribly hurt the most devastating part of listening to the tape was the sound of children’s voices in the background.
The children were there.
I was frustrated, humiliated and broken, and the cloak of shame that I’d already carried grew heavier upon my shoulders.
Whoa Nellie! Let me insert some humor here if I can:
I did. I inserted some humor and it made me laugh. Then I erased it because it was at the expense of those who hurt me. Sorry Lord.
After I was unfriended by the church, I tried and failed to find another church for ten years before finally making my way back. My greatest regret is for my daughters and their resulting feelings toward the church.
Let’s pick this up again tomorrow shall we? On Day 5 we’ll Take a Step Backwards in my story.
To start this series from Day 1 you can link up HERE
Until then 😉
P.S. Nothing I wrote today was in an attempt to gain sympathy from my readers. Long ago I fully accepted my responsibility for my part and I hold no ill-will against anyone. I can’t. Unforgiveness is a prison and I have been set free to live in freedom.
I’ve been known to link up to the following great parties!!!
Sunday:
SundaysAtHome, LifeOnLakeshoreDrive, SilverPenniesSundays, RusticAndRefined, Spiritual Sundays
Monday:
IShouldBeMoppingTheFloor, TheDedicatedHouse, Dwellings, ProjectInspired, InspireMeMonday, CelebrateYourStory, What Joy is Mine/Monday Musings, Darling Downs Diaries, The Art of Homemaking, MomentsOfHope, Glimpses, SittingAmongFriends, InspireMeMonday, GodSizedDreams
Tuesday:
TalkOfTheTown, HomeStoriesAtoZ, AStrollThruLife, CoastalCharm, CedarHillFarmhouse, TuesdaysAtOurHome, TheWinthropChronicles, Rich Faith Rising Unite Linky, Testimony Tuesday,Cheerleaders of Faith,Tell His Story
Wednesday:
SavvySouthernStyle, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Word Filled Wednesdays, Coffee for Your Heart, MessyMarriage, ThreeWordWednesday, WriterWednesday
Thursday:
ShareYourStyle, ImpartingGrace, EmbracingChange, HaveADailyCupOfMrsOlson, MyRepurposedLife, ADelightsomeLife, KatherinesCorner, Thought Provoking Thursday, SincerelyPaulas, ThoughtfulThursday, Tune-inThursday
Friday:
FrenchCountryCottage, TheCharmOfHome, TheDedicatedHouseAnythingBlueFriday, ShabbyliciousFriday, Faith’nFriends, Dance With Jesus FreshMarketFriday
Saturday:
FunkyJunkInteriors, SaturdaySparks, TheInspirationGallery, Make My Saturday Sweet
Patti,
You have no idea how much what you share here touches me. It always does. What made me a bit sad was how that situation affected your daughters feelings toward the church. A large reason for my adult kids are not walking with the Lord any longer is due to “Christians” from our church that hurt them deeply.
Looking forward to the next part. Bless you for sharing your story.
I am so behind in replying to comments PJ. This Write 31 Days thing keeps me busy. Writing. LOL! Thank you for reading and commenting and supporting the telling of my story. BTW? Hope wins!
Hi Patti, Thank you for sharing this very difficult journey so transparently.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment Karen. I think the difficulty in telling my story is in not knowing how people will respond. I have to tell the hard parts to get to the good. God redeems the wasted years. He is so amazing.
Hi Patti! I’m your neighbor at #TuneInThursday this week! I started reading Day 4 and then realized I’d have to go back to Day 1. You have me hooked. 🙂 I’m so glad God has given you courage to tell your story. You are a beautiful soul and I’m so glad you are my friend. Blessings to you with love and hugs!
Hey there Gayl! I’m sorry to respond to your comment so long after you wrote it. I’ve been sort of consumed with the writing and haven’t had much time for any of the other things that go along with blogging. I appreciate you so much.
Blessings friend 😉
Dear Patti-Thank you for sharing your heart so deeply with us. I started with today and then had to back up and begin with day 1. So very sorry for the pain you’ve shared. God truly drew me to you and I’ve always felt a kindred heart as I’ve followed you on Facebook. To know your walk, only speaks to my heart, dear friend. Hugs and prayers for you as you continue to share and touch us all. ❤️
Hey there Leslie! Thank you so much for the sweet comment on this series. I’m so happy that I’ve gotten to know you on Facebook and I really appreciate your support as I write my story. God has redeemed all the wasted years and He restored what the locusts devoured. He is SO good!!! Blessings friend.
I’m sad for your past experiences but without them you would not be able to enjoy the happiness you are feeling now. People are people, no matter how important they think they are or how important we make them think they are. Doesn’t matter what church you go to, what demonination your are, what color, race, etc. We all put our pants on one leg at a time, we all eat, drink, and go to the bathroom. I’m not surprised that this happened to you, just sad for you and your girls. If they don’t want to go to “church” – oh well. I have 6 children and once they turned 18 they all decided that church was not for them(!?) But……they all still have a deep connection with God. They talk to Him, they pray to Him and they Love Him. They are all really kind, compassionate, caring, loving adult children. I believe that God has their back just as He has mine, a faithful Mass goer. We all need to find our way. We are not perfect, the perfect one died at 33 and we humans nailed Him to the cross. Praise and Thank God you have come this far. I always enjoy your posts. You are a very inspirational person, both in your decorating abilities and craftiness as well as with what you write about. And by the way, you look fabulous in that bathing suit! You go Girl!!!!
I pray God will continue to bless you and heal you. xo
You are absolutely right Patricia! I truly believe that without living through pain we cannot know TRUE happiness! I’m so grateful that you are following along with my story and pray that the more positive parts to come will be a blessings. Thanks friend.
So sorry for what you went through. But I just don’t understand how any Christian church could be so cruel. Jesus loved everyone even if they were sinners or not. A Christian church is supposed to love all no matter what. Maybe you needed to find a different church that followed the teaching of Jesus. Again so sorry for your sorrow and truly wish you a life filled with God’s love. I remember from the Bible the only one to judge us is Jesus. So what ever man on earth does or says does not matter, we only have to answer to God. Peaceful wishes sent your way.
Thank you Debbie for your compassion and your sweet comment. I’m so thankful for all the experiences I’ve come through because has truly made me a better person. Also, I don’t hold any ill will toward the church that this happened in. They were misled like we all can be. Blessings to you 😉
Amen Sista. Been there. Abuse takes many forms. The abuser threatens the abused into silence. When you finally find the hutzbah to stand up for yourself; you suddenly become the aggressor by those who have no clue. Hmmm. Forgiveness; yes it is difficult. Yet the only path to healing. Smooches. Miss ya wahine!
Forgive is THE KEY! Thanks Trae 😉
You need a different church!
Haha! This was so many years ago and I’ve been gone from that area for a long time, but I have a great church in our new community. Thanks Jean 🙂
Patti; I know this was long ago and you are healed from it now; but I’m so proud of you for moving on and finding a “real” church. You are right WE are the church; the people who believe in Christ and those people are not supposed tp abuse others if they are being true.
Thank you for your comment on my post Gail. I appreciate it so very much.
I’m sorry you had all this happen to you and your children, Patti. Life is never easy and God said it wouldn’t be, but going through it is tough nonetheless. I’m still in a trailer after my husband lost his job four years ago now. With it, we had to sell our house, cashed in every retirement plan, move to a travel trailer but the Lord blessed us with a place to live for free in that trailer! We just had to help out running the RV park for a little over a year with help from our daughter ~ it was a catharsis and a pulling away from the area we’d lived in for over 20 years and a time to slowly transition. God knew what he was doing: He was prepping us for Texas…
So, looking back, he helped my husband get a WAY BETTER job in a state that doesn’t hate Christians, helped me get back to Bible studies again because it keeps me grounded. We had many, many years of Job, but God is faithful and He is good. We are blessed.
I’m glad your life is getting better, and I know what you mean with regards to your children. I think it’s hardest on them and it takes until late in the 20’s to unscramble ourselves, and they will. 🙂 I think the best part about our kids growing up is that they turn into adults we can have real conversations with… <3 Help them talk through it, if need be. Or you feel they need it. <3 Pinned your story to my Faith board for you. <3
Glad to be over your way again,
Hugs,
Barb 🙂
http://www.frenchethereal.net
Dear Barbara, I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through but also happy to hear that things are looking up and that you are happy in Texas. Living in the Bible belt after living in a very unchurched area is amazing! You are right. God didn’t say life would be easy but it is what builds character, and how could we be truly happy if we hadn’t experienced some real unhappiness? God bless you in your new state and God bless your family. Hugs friend <3
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know this was difficult but so needed. A dear friend from our church suffered physical abuse in her marriage for years and the church always took his side. When she counseled with the pastor he felt her husband was bored and needed ‘a ministry’ so he put him on the church elder board! Her husband isn’t living anymore and now she is at the forefront of working with pastors and church leaders to understand the need for support and ministry to other women who are dealing with domestic abuse. Our new, young pastor is such a supporter of the abused. He recently did a mini-series on hope for the abused. It was pretty awesome as he opened the Word and showed how Jesus showed compassion and gave help. Your story, unfortunately is repeated more often than we know. Praise the Lord He brought you through and is using you and your hubby to minister now.
~Adrienne~
Oh Adrienne, what an awful story! I do think things are better than they used to be but there is still a lot of silly advice being given to women. I think it’s wonderful that you have a pastor who is a sharer of hope to the abused. Jesus was like that too wasn’t He? Blessings <3
Patti, thank you so much for telling your story. It makes me sad each time I realize how often our churches, and by that I mean the people in our churches, have failed to love well. My constant prayer is that we would all do a better job of loving like Jesus. Thank you, my friend! You bless me!
Thank you Deb. Our church just finished the series Everybody, Always by Bob Goff. SO good and SO much the heart I want to have toward others. You are a blessing my friend.
Patti, I am all too often grieved by the missed opportunities by our churches to minister to their members and instead choose the way of legalism. I so value your heart behind sharing your story.